If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.Audre Lorde
Break off a square, take a deep breath, and let’s dive right in.
I originally wanted to call this blog Red Wine & Dark Chocolate, but if I drank wine anywhere near as often as I find myself taking deep breaths and counting to 10 (or 20, or 50), I would not stand a chance of keeping up with my daughter. She’s a sweetheart 98 percent of the time, but that 2 percent? Oh my.
Around the year 2010, I decided to look into becoming a mother even though I was single. The subject of donor-assisted conception is complicated. It is the driving theme in my writing and, of course, my life, and I plan to address it at length in subsequent posts. For now, I’ll just say that it was a long road that eventually culminated in the birth of my daughter.
So, I am what is known as a Single Mother by Choice, or SMC/SMBC. Some people seem to take exception to this title because they believe that most mothers choose to be mothers. But, the emphasis is on the “single” part of the title. Most people do not choose to be single parents at the outset. They might resign themselves to that much-maligned status when life takes an unexpected turn. Others, like me, pursue adoption or fertility treatments while single to fulfill our dreams of being parents.
Despite absorbing mountains of research (and anecdata), I know that I am only scratching the surface of this parenting journey. As the parent of a preschooler, I consider myself very much a new parent, and I know there are countless pitfalls ahead. I can only aspire to tackle them with some measure of grace. There may be very few unexplored aspects of parenting, but my journey with my daughter is unique. Trite as it may sound, I’m just trying to formulate a parenting philosophy to which I can remain true. All tips welcome!
I’m not a huge fan of policing adults, but this is obviously a sensitive topic. I would like to keep this space free of vitriol and personal attacks and will definitely moderate comments. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of donor-assisted conception and non-traditional families and are not open to learning more about them, there is no point in derailing conversations between people who are.
That said, I’m taking my editor’s hat off in this space. Please do not let linguistic challenges or insecurities get in the way of open discussion. I would love to hear from everyone who is moved to share a story or ask a question as long as it is done in good faith.
I am so happy to meet you. <3